Poem: Personal Ad Hell
No butches,
No bis,
No blacks.
No fat chicks,
No trannies,
No chaps.
Must be athletic;
a real girl, no prosthetics.
Long hair,
Very queer,
Good in the sack.
But I’m easy going,
If you’re young, hot and boring.
Why not give me a tinkle?
Cos for some reason I’m still single.
London preferred;
Brighton inferred.
Must drive,
Must drink,
Must not support Spurs!
Must own at least two cats.
Must put up with all my crap.
Must be delightfully ironic.
Must not be an alcoholic.
Must be seriously in love with the Stereophonics!
No kinky girls need apply.
No girls who wanna bit on the side.
No Asians, no straights,
No girls full of hate.
No one on the planning committee of London Pride.
I’m not into drama,
But I love Lady Gaga.
If you look like her, you’re in
(As long as you don’t wear that meat-dress thing)
You see, I think we’d make a good fit,
If you’re young, hot and rich,
So why not give me a tinkle?
Cos for some reason I’m still single.
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Back when I was a closeted bisexual, I’d secretly look at newspapers and magazines like Loot, Pink Paper and Time Out. Most of these publications had lots of Personals in their classified section. I found it all quite disheartening to read row upon row of text, where each one would say, “No bisexuals” or “No butches.” It was rare to see, “No blacks” but the wording of most ads spelled it out in other ways. I think the butch excluding confused me the most, but hey, femmes can be bigots too, I guess. Now that things have moved online for the most part, I still see wording like this. The only exception to this situation is on OK Cupid, where if you put that you’re a bisexual woman on your profile, zillions of men will flood your mailbox (with what, I don’t even want to know…)
Photo: J. Applebee, The Bisexual Stall at London Pride 2010
A Poem: I Can’t Be Bi. I’m a Man.
I was saddened by the biphobia that’s on twitter. The sexist assumptions, the implied violence, and the awful spelling are just staggering. This is one of my ways of coping with it all.
All bi’s are girls.
All bi’s are ho’s.
They may look well fit
but my dick ain’t touching one of those.
No men are ever bi.
No blacks are ever queer.
Say different & you’re a liar;
nuthin I wanna hear.
Ain’t insulting at all,
to call something rubbish, “gay.”
I know plenty of battymen. They don’t mind.
But I ain’t one. No Way!
Bi’s are just looking for attention.
Bi’s think they’re smokin’ hot.
Buy a clue, greedy bitches;
everyone else knows when to stop.
I ain’t never looked at another man.
Don’t you know, I’m dead straight?
I like beating queers up.
Put ‘em in their bloody place.
Messing about that one time don’t count.
I’m not queer, no way!
He was drunk. I was horny,
but that don’t make me gay.
Don’t you call me a bi boy.
I’m with the studs, not the ho’s.
Cos everyone knows all bi’s are girls
and I ain’t one of those.
Inspired by some very nasty comments on twitter re-posted by @biphobic_bigots,
@biphobic_bigots: “Collecting hate speech and outing biphobes and bigots on Twitter. Don’t troll the bigots. Just because they’re idiots, doesn’t mean you have to be.”
Photos from the Sharing Tongues project. Rukus run an archive of black LGBT experiences in the U.K. The event was really positive. I thought I’d be the only bisexual person there, but I was wrong!
Do you know how rare it is to see non-white LGBT people represented anywhere in the U.K? Very rare. So I jumped at the chance to be involved with Sharing Tongues. The project is ongoing, so if you think you can contribute, please contact Rukus!
Rukus is housed within the London Metropolitan Archives, a beautiful space in Islington.
*OpenCon 2011*
OpenCon was a weekend event for people who are polyamorous/ non-monogamous.
It took place at Osho Leela, a retreat space in the Dorset countryside. OpenCon attracted over 60 people from the Europe and beyond. This is the second year the event was held. I was hesitant about going, but I did, and I had a very good time.
I thought the Osho Leela location would be a bit too New Age and hippy for
my liking, but it was just fine. The gardens were beautiful, the staff were
nice, and the atmosphere was relaxed. Sure there were pics of their
glorious leader ™ dotted about the place, but that was it.
I didn’t know what the weekend would involve as there wasn’t much
information on the website. I’d initially heard about it in 2010 but that
year there was some pretty negative wording on their site that put me off
attending. I would have felt less apprehensive if there were information
especially in regards to accessibility, diversity, and what was and wasn’t
acceptable behaviour at the event. This may have contributed to some very
poor behaviour from a couple of men, and that was the only major thing that
tainted an otherwise good time.
I arrived at OpenCon on Friday evening, travelling with my girlfriend and
another couple we met on the train to Gillingham. The event started with
dinner and a welcome, followed by the first session. I loved ‘What do you
want to get out of OpenCon’. It was a great way to spark people off into
doing their own workshops.
I’d booked a twin room to share with my girlfriend. These were situated in
beautiful pine cabins, which also included a kitchen and a private bathroom.
Dormitory accommodation was also available, but I think the £35 extra for
the room was well worth it.
I loved this being a catered event. I especially appreciated the free hot
drinks available whenever I wanted some.
On Saturday I enjoyed a nice breakfast, and then went to a session on
‘Flirting’ which was great fun! I realised that I’ve got a long way to go
before I can flirt with people without nerves getting in the way.
After a tea break, I went to ‘Poly in Detail’ where a small group discussed
their polyamorous lives in an extra-long session slot. It was nice to have
so much time to talk about common issues, and share how we all discovered
Polyamory in the first place.
I left the ‘Poly in Detail’ session a little early as I wanted to set up
things for my ‘Poly Smut’ session. I read several erotic stories with the
theme of Polyamory, swinging and other types of non-monogamy. The attendees
were all very relaxed, enjoying the mattresses laid out in the warm room. At
one stage I wished I could have a lie down so I could listen to someone else
read to me instead!
After my workshop I spent some time chilling out on the grass beneath a
beautiful blue sky. Even though it was October, the weather was very warm,
and the setting was just idyllic.
I went to the start of ‘New ways of Communication’ workshop after the break,
but I became a bit sensitive to the second half of it. I sat out in the
social space, had a cup of tea, and chatted with some new friends. I felt a
lot better for that.
Dinner followed, and after that there was an ‘Open Mike’ session which I
didn’t attend, but I heard some very good things about. My girlfriend had
an early night, but I got dressed up, and headed back out as there was
supposed to be a disco. After waiting around chatting enjoyably with
various people, I realised that the disco wasn’t going to happen before
tiredness overtook me.
Sunday morning saw me tired and grumpy as the fire alarm outside my room had
been beeping all night long due to a low battery. I intended to return to
bed after I had my breakfast, but the living room to the pine cabin was
being used by the ‘Poly Stencils’ session. I soon abandoned the idea of
getting a rest, and instead I observed the lovely artwork that had been
created by some very jolly people. I especially liked the poly dinosaur
designs.
I attended a ‘Poly Kink’ workshop shortly after, which included an impromptu
spot of play with some impact toys. The discussion was really interesting.
It was nice to hear that so many other people had the same concerns and
questions about kink. It felt like a very safe space to share my
experiences and thoughts.
I hadn’t gone to the chill out quiet space until Sunday, so it was a bit of
a discovery for me to find it was such a gorgeous room. I sat on a comfy
seat with lots of cushions, the sun shone in making it pleasantly warm, and
my friend and girlfriend knitted and talked together. It was just lovely.
I had my final meal at OpenCon, which was delicious. My girlfriend and I
went back to our room to pack our bags, but instead of leaving straight
away, we took a leisurely stroll around the gardens. We admired the trees
heavy with fruit, all the different Buddha statues, and the varied spaces
that we hadn’t seen before (such as the sauna).
I said my goodbyes, hugged a lot of happy people, and then made arrangements
to leave. I had quite a bit of trouble booking a taxi, but another
conventioneer took pity on us, and drove us to the train station.
My girlfriend and I left with smiles on our faces, feeling very relaxed and
happily poly.
Thanks to everyone who made OpenCon such a great weekend.
I was interviewed on KD Grace’s blog about why I wrote Bisexual Men.
“I wrote Bisexual Men because simply put, I’d hardly ever read about bisexual men as a subject or a group before. I could find books full of erotic stories about bisexual women, where the men were strictly heterosexual; even in threesome stories men would never touch each other. I knew that bisexual men existed, but in the realm of erotic fiction they were rarely seen. This seemed to reflect the prevalent media image where men are either “gay, straight or lying.”
Some photos from the BiVisibility Day event at the Pembury Tavern. Around 40 people turned up to celebrate bisexuality on September 23rd. There was strong cider, crispy chips, party hats, balloons and happy bisexuals! I may have kissed a few people. I had a fantastic time.
The event was organised by Nye, who also does Bi Coffee London, a monthly meetup for bisexuals who don’t have to drink coffee to attend.
There are lots of events happening for Bisexual Visibility Day (International Celebrate Bisexuality Day) in the U.K on and around September 23rd. I’ll be doing a reading in London, showcasing some stories from Bisexual Men which also comes out on the same day.
Since the publication of groundbreaking study that bisexual men do in fact exist, I thought it would be a good time to post something from my upcoming book. Below is the introduction to Bisexual Men, which will be released on 23rd September (International Celebrate Bisexuality day). Bisexual Men will be available in print and as an e-book on eXcessica, Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Introduction
In search of the Invisible Man
Where are all the bisexual men? Where are the male role models, making it easier for others to accept who they are? Where are the male celebrities stealing kisses at award ceremonies? Male-identified bisexuals don’t only exist in the media, they live next door, stand next to me at the bus stop. Bi men are friends and colleagues. But when I started thinking about bisexual men, I could only find a handful; a famous wrestler, a couple of rock stars, and various men in the European bisexual communities whom I’d see at BiCon (Convention of Bisexuality) every year. As much as I admired these guys, I knew I wanted more. But then maybe they were keeping quiet because bisexual men tend to get a raw deal in the grand scheme of things? Bi men bring queerness a little too close to home for the liking of some who find it easier to dismiss them as either curious or experimenting; never settling, but always a pretender to the throne.
Bisexuality has often been marginalised by both straight and gay/lesbian communities. It seems that every year a study is published to state that there is no such thing as bisexuality for men, as if sexual orientation can be boxed up and disposed of as simply as that. An attraction to more than one gender is not something just for women. Not all bisexual men live in secret (or on the Down-Low if you’re in the U.S). Some men are proud of their orientation, some are less so. Regardless of their visibility, I wanted to write something in celebration of these fierce souls who have open arms and hearts too. In doing so, I’ve learnt that these once-invisible men truly are everywhere.
Fuck ‘em all is a story about a man who completely accepts himself, including his sexuality. He only gets angry at people who don’t do the same. Homeless tells of a man who buys sex from men, with the full knowledge of his angelic wife. What’s in a Name? shows how a faux pas in bed (calling out the wrong lover’s name) can lead to self-discovery for all involved. Not with a bang, but a whimper sees a sexual surrogate observe her changing relationship with two men—one a lover and one a friend.
Some of the characters have to reach rock bottom before they start living the life they truly want. In How Special is Special? A man faces a terrible dilemma on his wedding day; choose the bride or the best man. My Generation is all about a man who finds himself taking a bit too much interest in the boy bands his daughter loves. He doesn’t want to call himself bisexual in case the name sticks, but he learns to embrace his changing desires with time.
Bisexual men come from all backgrounds: in David does BiCon, the central character falls for a man with ‘skin the colour of soot.’ I’ve found my man takes place during the Notting Hill Carnival, which is the largest multicultural event in Europe. The players quickly change their views as to what types of people are bisexual during a sexy evening of fun.
Bisexual men exist, period. If you still think they’re invisible, then maybe you’re looking in the wrong place. I love bisexual men, every single chance I get. Please enjoy these stories and see why that’s the case.
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Bisexual Men will be available in print and as an e-book on eXcessica, Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Polyday was brilliant! The day started off with me feeling quite emotional as I left home to travel to Holborn. I thought of all the times I’d been told that it was impossible to love more than one person, and that I must be some kind of a deviant for doing so. I got quite tearful thinking of how fortunate I was to be able to live in the present as a polyamorous, bisexual woman; to have understanding partners (most of the time), and to have events like Polyday close to home.
I arrived at Polyday while the sun was still shining. I walked into the main hall where I instantly saw several friends I knew from bisexual, kinky and genderqueer spaces I’ve been to. Everyone seemed to be in a really good mood, and that just added to the chilled-out atmosphere.
I visited Jemima Wilcox’s stall where she was selling copies of her Poly project book. She had the cunning plan of giving away free sweeties and a bag with every copy, which seemed to be working very well for her.
The first session I attended was ‘Getting Polytical’ I had been impressed by the sheer enthusiasm of the Polytical folks since meeting them two years ago. Polytical are working on a series of educational leaflets and packs. Some of the subject they hope to cover are: Sex education, advice for Human Resource workers, social workers, and sexual health workers. Polytical also hope to produce some documentaries on poly. During the session I was also struck by how it was possible for me to be in an activist space, and not get annoyed or angry by clueless people. I felt positive and understood, which was refreshing!
I attended ‘Poly 201’ next which was full of useful knowledge from more experienced poly people. There next followed a short break where I went out to a local sandwich shop with two friends of mine. One of my friends managed to stop a thief in the shop, which was an unexpected thing to happen on an already exciting day!
After the break I went to the ‘Poly T-shirts’ workshop. Somehow my dormant sewing skills resurfaced for the hour, and I was able to create a little applique on a T-shirt.
The next session was ‘Poly Stories’ I’d brought a few things to read, but I wasn’t sure what the format of the session would be as I wasn’t running it. A man with a Poly-Quaker T-shirt told a fairytale that ended in a three-way wedding, another man told of his real-life experiences of discovering polyamory. I read two stories, one from NSFW and one from my upcoming Bisexual Men book. A woman then read the most lovely children’s book, Six-dinner Sid, about a cat who lives with six families on one street. The session ended with a short but beautiful poem by the Poly-Quaker.
The evening ‘Speakeasy’ was a simple, but wonderful idea. Everyone mingled, chatted, and enjoyed the music from a very talented pianist who played music from the 1920s and 30’s.
I went home with a huge smile on my face, a happy poly woman.
Many thanks to all those who helped make Polyday a wonderful day for me.
If you also loved Polyday, then OpenCon is a Poly weekender that happens in October.
An Expanded Love is my polyamorous novel, part of which takes place at Polyday!
About me
The blog home of erotic fiction author, Jacqueline Applebee.
Black sexuality, smutty snippets and more.
Contains adult concepts. For Over 18's only.
My main writing website is at Writing in Shadows.
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