The blog home of erotic fiction author, Jacqueline Applebee. Black sexuality, smutty snippets and more. Contains adult concepts. For Over 18's only. My main writing website is at Writing in Shadows. *
Polyday was brilliant! The day started off with me feeling quite emotional as I left home to travel to Holborn. I thought of all the times I’d been told that it was impossible to love more than one person, and that I must be some kind of a deviant for doing so. I got quite tearful thinking of how fortunate I was to be able to live in the present as a polyamorous, bisexual woman; to have understanding partners (most of the time), and to have events like Polyday close to home.
I arrived at Polyday while the sun was still shining. I walked into the main hall where I instantly saw several friends I knew from bisexual, kinky and genderqueer spaces I’ve been to. Everyone seemed to be in a really good mood, and that just added to the chilled-out atmosphere.
I visited Jemima Wilcox’s stall where she was selling copies of her Poly project book. She had the cunning plan of giving away free sweeties and a bag with every copy, which seemed to be working very well for her.
The first session I attended was ‘Getting Polytical’ I had been impressed by the sheer enthusiasm of the Polytical folks since meeting them two years ago. Polytical are working on a series of educational leaflets and packs. Some of the subject they hope to cover are: Sex education, advice for Human Resource workers, social workers, and sexual health workers. Polytical also hope to produce some documentaries on poly. During the session I was also struck by how it was possible for me to be in an activist space, and not get annoyed or angry by clueless people. I felt positive and understood, which was refreshing!
I attended ‘Poly 201’ next which was full of useful knowledge from more experienced poly people. There next followed a short break where I went out to a local sandwich shop with two friends of mine. One of my friends managed to stop a thief in the shop, which was an unexpected thing to happen on an already exciting day!
After the break I went to the ‘Poly T-shirts’ workshop. Somehow my dormant sewing skills resurfaced for the hour, and I was able to create a little applique on a T-shirt.
The next session was ‘Poly Stories’ I’d brought a few things to read, but I wasn’t sure what the format of the session would be as I wasn’t running it. A man with a Poly-Quaker T-shirt told a fairytale that ended in a three-way wedding, another man told of his real-life experiences of discovering polyamory. I read two stories, one from NSFW and one from my upcoming Bisexual Men book. A woman then read the most lovely children’s book, Six-dinner Sid, about a cat who lives with six families on one street. The session ended with a short but beautiful poem by the Poly-Quaker.
The evening ‘Speakeasy’ was a simple, but wonderful idea. Everyone mingled, chatted, and enjoyed the music from a very talented pianist who played music from the 1920s and 30’s.
I went home with a huge smile on my face, a happy poly woman.
Many thanks to all those who helped make Polyday a wonderful day for me.
If you also loved Polyday, then OpenCon is a Poly weekender that happens in October.
An Expanded Love is my polyamorous novel, part of which takes place at Polyday!
Writing: cause and effects
I use my real name when I write smut. I never want to hide a big chunk of myself away (small chunks are fine, but writing is a huge part of my life) so I am happy to have my full name used at the top of my stories. But as time passes, and my pay-the-bills job has becomes more treacherous, I find myself starting to have mixed feelings about things. I imagine a prospective employer typing my name into a search engine, and looking at what I do, what I love to write about.
I’m not ashamed, but I do try to be practical about things. This is hard when I know that as a black bisexual woman with a disability, I’ll already have prejudices and phobias stacked up against me before I even walk in the door for a job interview. I’d love to walk through said door feeling reasonably relaxed; that I won’t be a box-ticking exercise in equal opportunities, and that I’ll be hired because I’m a good worker who can demonstrate her skills in fifteen minutes of talking to strangers. I have never felt this way, especially when most interview panels consists of three people who are all white, usually all male. I’ve been prepared to lose out on jobs and promotions for the entirety of my working life. My writing erotic fiction is just one more thing to add to the list.
I cannot stop writing smut, and I don’t want to either. Writing is one of the things that increase the quality of my life. Writing is the reason why I’ve made most of the friends I currently have. Writing smut is activism that doesn’t make me gag.
This isn’t the end of it. A disabled woman wrote a review of one of my stories a few years ago. She said that she’d never seen someone like herself in an erotic story. She said that she started crying, because at long last she could identify with someone else who was going through the same thing she did. Another woman wrote me an email saying that one of my novellas gave her hope that she could accept all the different parts of herself. Hope through smut. I would never have thought anyone would have felt this way. Anyone but me that is. And this is the thing that I love. Writing, reading, and engaging with my readers gives me hope too. Hope doesn’t pay the bills, but it feels real good. It’s something positive to hold on to.
End violence against Sex Workers
International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers Reception hosted by SERTUC LGBT Network
Friday 17 December, 6:30pm
Venue: TUC Congress House, Great Russell St, London WC1B 3LS
- Speakers -
· John McDonnell MP (Labour Party)
· Maria Exall (TUC LGBT Committee Chair and member of the TUC General Council)
· Ana Lopez (Founder of the International Union of Sex Workers)
· Paul Hayes (GMB London Regional Secretary - invited)
· Caroline Simpson (SERTUC Women’s Rights Committee - invited)
· Speaker from X:talk
organised by GMB Sex Work & Adult Entertainment Branch
supported by GMB SHOUT! and EQUITY Thames Variety Branch
FREE ADMISSION – LIMITED SPACES
Refreshments & performances - ALL WELCOME!
Registration essential: sertucevents@tuc.org.uk / 020 7467 1220
Care and feeding of an Activist
Last night I made dinner for an activist;
She had a funding deadline to meet.
She had to collate figures, then find ways to re-jig them,
But I just wanted her to eat.
I may not be a flag-waving anarchist,
I may not ever give a great speech,
But if she didn’t take a break;
Drink some tea, eat some cake,
Then she’d fall in a heap at my feet.
Last night I made love to an activist;
I had to tie her down to get the job done.
Her language was brutal,
Her nudity, full frontal,
But I still made my activist come.
As my activist lay in my arms,
Happy in her post-coital state,
She caught sight of the clock,
Promptly went into shock;
The funding application was late!
Last night I was chased by an activist:
I ran naked down streets in the dark.
For hell has its fury
But nothing compares to an activist on the war path.
Don’t make the mistake that I did.
Now I’ve got her fist in my face.
Don’t come between an activist and her project,
Or you too may suffer the same fate.
No Make-up Week. Yes, really.
So I notice that it is ‘No Make-up Week’
Wow. Did everyone forget about real issues for a bit, so they had to come up with something in a rush? Do you guys have to meet some kind of quota? Funny, but I last wore make-up fifteen years ago, because the choice of make-up for black women in the U.K was practically non-existent. Did I mention it was about five times as expensive as make-up for white skins?
“women said they would rather employ a woman who wore makeup than one who didn’t.” Hmm. I think these are probably the same people who are less likely to hire women who are disabled, or black, or openly queer. Or am I reading that wrong too? Because when one of these women walks into an interview, she has to face disbelief that she went for the job in the first place, racist/phobic/sexist attitudes from the panel, and questions as to whether she plans on having kids any time soon. This is all stuff that most white/straight/able-bodied women don’t even have to think about.
Really, like I needed another reason to not call myself a feminist? So to everyone taking part in the No Make-up shindig, you might want to try ‘Not being so bloody middle-class week’ or ‘Address Racism week’ instead. You know, because us black, disabled and queer folks would really appreciate it. Really.
